Why Proper Exams Must Always Be On Paper

A lot of maths homework now is done online and marked by computer.
Many companies set online tests as part of the application protest – used to charge £50 or so to sit your test and guarantee a pass – I AIN;T LIKE THAT NO MORE!
These exams make it easy to cheat. Now with hackers all over the world out to hack and change results and hold to ransom, these systems are not safe. The only way to make exam results reliable is to have paper exam for anything that matters, so results can be appealed against and papers remarked.

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Why Are the Dumbest Students so Attractive to Universities?

Where do you think the £9,000 or so student fees go?
It’s not used to pay lecturers or improve the university library.
Many students have only a couple of lectures a week and many libraries haven’t seen a workman since the 18th century.
Many Universities are using some of that £9000 a year to give out ‘scholarships’, in effect payday loans, since the interest rate is outrageous and the money has to be paid back as student loans.
Only the dumbest students need apply. You have to be pretty dumb not to see through this scam.

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You Are Noone Until You’ve Had a Death Threat

I used to get death threats all the time. Sometimes they were up front and in my face, but none of them ever resulted in bleeding or bruising.
Now I only get death threats by email or text. I feel much better now. Everyone who is anyone on the internet gets death threats on a regular basis – just ask a British MP – and getting death threats is just a sign of your upward progress.
Do npt though, make death threats just to make someone feel better.

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Lets Undress a Nazi!

So, much of Europe wants to ban women from wearing the burkha.
I can imagine burkha marches, where crowds of women get picked up and carried away to the local police station where their burkhas are taken off them and they are sent home in all their immodesty.
If we are to ban muslims from wearing the burkha, what else should we stop people from wearing, to make the embarrassment an all round affair?
BAN THE TOUPEE! Every right wing politician in Europe and the USA should have to take off their wig and expose their baldness to the world. The most famous right wing toupee wearer of all? DONALD TRUMP!
Come on Donald! Get your kit off!

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200 Sets of Perfect GCSE Grades This Year

Never guy nor girl ever walked in greater glory.

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In a State of Wild Anticipation

Anyone baking in the heat, waiting for their exam results this month may well see themselves caught in the glare of their own minds eye, as the greatest writer/scientist/leader/businessperson of the 21st century.

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Worst Maths Tutor Ever!

That’s ME!
Everyone wants the best maths tutor they can find.
Why doesn’t anybody ever want the worst?
The worst don’t have any one to shout for them.
Well, here I am! So, if you want the worst maths tutor in the whole wide world, ever, just give me a call. I will charge you £35 and teach you how to count up to 5, once a week, or something equally useless.

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Sex For Grades

Too many girls get told if they want good grades they have to perform some sexual service.
This is bad, but no one ever thinks about male students, who rarely get told that if they want to pay their exams they have to perform some sexual service.
Male students who can’t be bothered to work therefore are doomed to failure.
Lets have more sexual harassment of male students!

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That’s Magic

There are no new grammar schools in the UK.
There are 11,000 or so more grammar school pupils?
How can this happen?
It’s MAGIC! Those students are SPECIAL magic students, with special powers of magic. They were created by the person with the greatest magic powers – the Education Secretary, whoever that is.
Maybe we should put this person in charge of the Treasury. They can create some magic money there, and maybe we can all have a little bit of their magic.

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You Can Be a Hero!

Ahed Tamini has been released from an Israeli prison after eight months for slapping an Israeli soldier.
WHAT A HEROINE!

Every Israeli soldier on duty in the West Bank and East Jerusalem today should get a slap.
Go on! Slapasoldier!

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