Complete Failure? You Can Still Go To University!

A quarter of UK students off to university this year have received at least one unconditional offer from a UK university.
In case you don’t know, an unconditional offer means that you can fail to achieve the required grades at A level, fail to turn up for your exams, become a brain donor or lose all your body parts apart from your nose – you will still need this to smell the bullshit – and still go to university.
Last year there were only 3,000 unconditional offers. This year there are 67,000.
How did this happen? The fact is that a lot of international students are deciding not to come to the UK, so UK universities are desperate to get just ANYONE to walk through their doors at the start of term. Where did they find them?
In the file marked ‘Rejected’.