Bringing Revolution to Private Tuition

Schools in England are starting to wonder what the point of a GCSE in English is.

There is a point if you Donna speaka da English.

Apparently you can buy yourself a star that YOU CAN SEE from £15.

On the other hand you can stand on one square metre of your own land in central London for £17000.

Wrong!

International students take the IGCSE. They are better than the average student in their own country.

The new 9-1 GCSE exams are harder than the old GCSE exams which were frankly easy. They are easily a match for the IGCSE.

Just suppose there are a hundred thousand tigers and eight billion humans on the same planet.

Eighty thousand humans for every tiger.

So. What is a fair number of human lives to change for one tiger?

EIGHTY THOUSAND!

Students who sit AS exams in the lower sixth get better a level grades than those who don’t.

NO SHIT!

Why does every train that runs off peak pull a full rush hour load of empty carriages?

Unlock a few carriages save lots of money on fuel and maintenance.

Any 5 year old could work that one out.

You are no good at all.

Always first to innovate the Americans have followed the invention of fake news and the election of a fake President with the establishment of a fake University.

Fake students can get a proper fake Degree, presumably costing only fake money which you can write out on little bits of paper and paying into some fake bank account.

The whole scam would not be complete without some fake Professors.

As a fake Doctor of Philosophy I would like to apply.

My personal fakeness only goes so far. I must be paid in REAL POUND NOTES!

I’LL DO IT!

Of course I will have to prepare myself to meet vampires, zombies, devil worshippers and all such dangers.

Your parents probably got a free university education.

The bills were paid with government dent, which has to be paid for or serviced.

Any student at university now has to take out loans for tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of pounds, which they ill have to pay back.

You will have to pay for your parents education as well as your own.