Dictionary of Alternative Definitions – Latest Additions

What do you call a short woman with kids?

A minimum – (mini mum)

What do you call a tall woman with kids?

A maximum – (maxi mum)

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One Way to Stop Teachers Cheating

Cheating in the UK is very rare. In China and India it is very common.

If teachers had to undergo annual financial health checks, any source of mysterious income – from bribes – or vulnerability to bribes because of financial distress could be unearthed and those teachers helped or removed from temptation.

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Sometimes I Think…

And then I don’t stop to think.

Crazy things can happen.

Like when I saw a girl smiling at me. I don’t know what she was thinking.

I was thinking, “Pretty girl. Well, and what are the odds?”.

That girl was my own sister.

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How Any Moron Can Get Into a Top University

Change your name to Trump.

He’s a moron and went to a top University.

When you take the entrance test, and when the university are convinced you are a moron, they will let you in.

If they don’t tell them, “The President won’t like this!”/ That will really scare them.

If you are an idiot, change you surname to Windsor and learn to speak like a horse.

Hal;f the idiots in the UK are members of the Royal Family, so any University will let you walk in on the red carpet they have prepared for such an honour.

If they don’t say “The Queen won;t like this!” and start ranting about how the stupid Prince Charles entered Cambridge with the worst grades ever.

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How to Keep the Schools Clean

Let the children do the cleaning.

In Japan, children clean the school at the end of each day.

And Japan is so clean and tidy. Recycling is high. An example to use all.

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Run Girl Run!

Any young muslim woman living in Saudi Arabia or some such place, with a life of submission and obedience all laid out in front of her should throw off those shackles and do exatly what she wants.

An 18 year old woman running away from repression is at this moment caged up in a Thai hotel awaiting return by force to Saudi Arabia. The whole bloody world should rebel at this spectacle.

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It’s Not All About IQ

It’s all about perseverance.

If you have a mind that crawls into every crack and crevice, you will succeed.

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If Just Saying It Could Make It Happen

If all the people on the planet said the same thing at the same time…

That is a lot of willpower.

Peace in Yemen.

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So Funny You Should Have Been There

I find two new faces in the sane day just a little bit confusing.

Or even two faces I haven’t seen in a couple of weeks.

So when one new face and one face I haven’t seen in two weeks turn up on the same day I can quite easily mistake one for the other, and ta;l to them for an hour calling them by the wrong name and talking about things that have nothing to do with them at all.

While I was going off on a mad mind walk, a lovely young man was sitting there, maybe thinking he should call a Doctor, and my good friend Burty was telling me that this was the guy who came two weeks ago and I was saying no, no this is Charles the little prince (private hoke).

I didn’t realise my mistake until Charles, who was a guest from airbnb only staying for one day, told me he was on the way to the airport, and I, trying to make some sense of the situation, asked where is brother was.

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Are You Coming Xmas Day?

Someone asked me that.


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