Wagging off School to Watch a Football Match

Why are children in England and Wales allowed to watch a football match instead of learning their letters?
It never would have happened in my day. Children don’t know whats good for them so ungrateful shouldn’t be allowed blah blah yakity yak yabumsucks…

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How European Students Get Away With It

European students studying in the the UK have all the same rights as UK students, including, in England, the right to claim thousands of pounds in student loans. If the then leave the UK the really pay these student loans back.
The students have no interest in paying this loan back, and their own government has no interest in making them. The British government has not the will to chase them through an indifferent foreign legal system. Foreign students are stealing a lot of money from the British exchequer.
GOOD FOR THEM! WISH IT WAS AS EASY FOR ME TO GET AWAY WITH STEALING TENS OF THOUSANDS OF POUNDS!

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We’re Going Encrypted

The Government, and Google are on a mission to find out the colour of everyone’s underpants and panties. When they have done theus they will demand money from us all to stop these details being made public.
The only way to stop them is to encrpt and secure everything. Sometime after the summer exams are over, I am going to encrpt all the traffic between our server and the internet.
You can be assured that the colour of your underpants and panties is safe with us.

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As Often Right As Wrong

For many exams 5-% or less os a good pass. Most universities in the UK classify 40% as a pass for a module exam. This means that it is often acceptable for many people to be as wrong as often as they are right.
Many people who spent there lives getting 50% or less in exams are now considered experts. Don’t trust them.

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Bomb Threats

Some lazy students just don’t turn up for their exams. Othersphone their school and claim to have left a bomb in the exam room, or something like that. Exams are cancelled for the day and everyone goes home. The exams cannot be rescheduled and grades have to be estimated.
If you are faced with total failure, issuing a bomb threat probably makes a sort of sense.

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Change Your Name to Improve Your Life Chances

I have a student called Chelsea, and I have been thinking how Chelsea could benefit from a simple change of name.
Chelsea should be called Winchelsea from now on.
Chelsea has exams, and receives a psychological boost every time someone says, ‘Wincelsea’.
Chelsea has a job interview and feels empowered to succeed when the secretary calls ‘next – Winchelsea’.
Chelsea goes to a football match, to watch Chelsea of course, and is carried along by the chants of tens of thousands of expectant fans: ‘Win Chelsea, win Chelsea, win Chelsea, win!’

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Physics on the Underground?

We have poetry on the underground which many people enjoy. Suggest we have pictures on the underground which tell a story in physics, like how a nuclear power station works, or the physics of geostationary orbit.

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Wishful Thinking?

Taking your exams?
Big yourself up by thinking, ‘Right now history is looking down on me and can’t tell me apart from the best (whatever I want to be) of the twenty first century!’.

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Lets Discombine Science

Combined science is taught in schools because either:
There are not enough science teachers to teach separate sciences
Students are not good enough at science to study separate, and harder, science subjects.
Combined science is a copout. Anyone studying combined science is not equipped to study any science at A Level.
They should all study separate sciences and teachers should be paid whatever is needed to get them in the classroom.

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Summer Exams

It is too hot in the summer for exams. We should all be jumping for joy on the beach than locked up studying or teaching. Exams should all be in November, when it is raining and we are inside out of the rain anyway.

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