A fly just died in my whisky.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A fly just died in my whisky.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2593","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Wm4j-FP","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1698,"url":"https:\/\/astarmathsandphysics.com\/blog\/paulsmith\/2013\/12\/i-give-up-says-prince-harry\/","url_meta":{"origin":2593,"position":0},"title":"I give up says prince harry","author":"taxicle","date":"December 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The south pole is so far away and anyway there are no strippers waiting there for me and I've run out of whisky and cigarettes. Can you ask my mum to send a helicopter to drop me some?","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1675,"url":"https:\/\/astarmathsandphysics.com\/blog\/paulsmith\/2013\/11\/a-question-for-gchq\/","url_meta":{"origin":2593,"position":1},"title":"A Question for GCHQ","author":"taxicle","date":"November 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Just sent thjs message to the spies bugging us all YO DICK AM I ON YOUR TERRORIST WATCHLIST? Please let me know in case I need to sell everything and flee the country. IF I AM I WILL TAKE YOU OFF MY CHRISTMAS CARD LIST! AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS TOO!\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1453,"url":"https:\/\/astarmathsandphysics.com\/blog\/paulsmith\/2013\/08\/free-holiday-courtesy-uk-home-office\/","url_meta":{"origin":2593,"position":2},"title":"FREE HOLIDAY COURTESY UK HOME OFFICE?","author":"taxicle","date":"August 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I can't afford a holiday this year. But look, the British home office is offering free flights to illegal immigrants. I just texted 'home' to the home office immigration hotline. Apparently if I can convince them I am Pakistani they will fly me to Pakistan. After a couple of weeks\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1741,"url":"https:\/\/astarmathsandphysics.com\/blog\/paulsmith\/2013\/12\/do-a-bit-to-save-the-world\/","url_meta":{"origin":2593,"position":3},"title":"Do a Bit to Save the World","author":"taxicle","date":"December 28, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Everyone can improve their little corner of the world. My obsession a the moment is finding uses for the things I might throw away. Instead of throwing them away I advertise them on freecycle - I have given away kettle cable, calculators, laptop chargers, and taken and found a use\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":280,"url":"https:\/\/astarmathsandphysics.com\/blog\/paulsmith\/2011\/08\/woman-has-tongue-lengthened-to-learn-korean-easier\/","url_meta":{"origin":2593,"position":4},"title":"Woman Has Tongue Lengthened to Learn Korean Easier","author":"taxicle","date":"August 12, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"There are doors too small for me. Shall I cut off my feet or my head? There are gaps too narrow. Shall I cut off my nose? (Trying not to be rude here). Sometimes planes fly low over my house. Why not raze it to the ground so there is\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":663,"url":"https:\/\/astarmathsandphysics.com\/blog\/paulsmith\/2012\/08\/unsuspecting-gold-medalists-heading-for-disappointment\/","url_meta":{"origin":2593,"position":5},"title":"Unsuspecting Gold Medalists Head for Disappointment","author":"taxicle","date":"August 5, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"In depression hit UK, you might think British gold medal winners at the olympics would be a bit happier than the rest of us, with at least a bit of valuable gold to take along to the local gold merchant. Unfortunately they are heading for a shock. 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