Dear Dave,
I hear you have a vacancy. Apparently your last sidekick didn’t tell lies fast enough or good enough. I would like to bring a new age of honesty to politics, and I will start by calling everyone in and recently turfed out of the House of Commons a bunch of thieves and spivs. You especially, as the leader of the pack, are the biggest spiv of all.
I understand my job as press officer will be to excuse your theft and incompetence while being paid half a million pounds a year. This I am prepared to do as long as you and your bunch of morons keep the country steered towards a state of bankruptcy and servility to the USA.
PS I need to be paid in gold or Swiss Francs.
Man..that's that damn good! 😀