I can’t afford a holiday this year. But look, the British home office is offering free flights to illegal immigrants.
I just texted ‘home’ to the home office immigration hotline. Apparently if I can convince them I am Pakistani they will fly me to Pakistan.
After a couple of weeks of sin, drinking and debauchery, I might get myself deported back to UK.
Here is the exchange of texts so far. This policy has the potential for a riot.
HOME
FREE HELP: For a free call back in Urdu, text URDU to 78070 For a free call back in Punjabi, text PUNJABI to 78070 For a free call back in Hindi, text HINDI to 78070
FREE HELP: For a free call back in English, text ENGLISH to 78070 For a free call back in other languages text OTHER to 78070
HINDI
FREE HELP: Thank you for your message. We will give you a free call back, in your language shortly, to offer you advice and help to return home.
FREE HELP: Our office hours are from 9-5 Monday to Friday, so if you have sent us a message outside of these hours we will get back to you as soon as we can.
My phone was off when they called me yesterday on an anonymous number so I texted them:
Yo bwana when you gonna fly me away?