Brace Yourself!

Bitcoins will have to be broken down into more convenient values. What will they be called?
Bitbitcoins!

The old man is dead and won’t be tortured any more by the presence of people wanting to say they spoke to him.
It’s a pity we can’t pin some of the blame for his death at the age of 95 onto his children and Michelle Obama, all of whom extracted a few minutes of effort out of a man who could hardly raise his head.

I deleted when I meant to copy, then I couldn’t find the notes I had just written in the Rubbish bin!

Poor cat. She always sees the worst of me.

There is only always forwards, which is impossible, or always backwards, which is impossible and depressing.

Black Friday is not as it sounds, an evil day, but a day on which shops have a one day sale.
No shop is in fact saving anyone any money. They are blinding people with smoke and mirrors to persuade them that that useless electronic gizmo with worth a lot more than they want you to pay for it, and much cheaper than yesterday.
Its all a pack of lies. The yanks, being much better piers than us, should keep this lie to themselves.

The comet near to the sun has apparently disintegrated and will not be bright at Xmas. This will disappoint many Jesus freaks who had convinced themselves that the second coming would happen this year but will please those, like me, who think religion is all so much bunkum and people should rely on their own wits and those of their friends and family to solve their own problems.

Just sent thjs message to the spies bugging us all

YO DICK AM I ON YOUR TERRORIST WATCHLIST?

Please let me know in case I need to sell everything and flee the country.
IF I AM I WILL TAKE YOU OFF MY CHRISTMAS CARD LIST! AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS TOO!

Or even resurrect the dead?
Open a Twitter account for a dead person and tweet what they would have tweeted if they were not dead.

You extract maximum nutrional value and minimise housework.