Brace Yourself!

And don’t bend over neither.
Apparently male employees at the house of commons are more likely to be sexually harrassed than young and nubile female employees.
Anyone man dissing their local mp, by mooning them for example, might find themselves buggered by their local representative, after having been screwed over expenses and tuition fees and…and…

Let – or even make – every rich person marry a poor person. Let the selection process be completely random without respect to borders – make one world within a generation.

That is what happens when you lead a celebrity lifestyle with nothing but drink and drugs and sex and publicity to give your life meaning.

You have to live the revolution with every breath and beat of heart.
Death to the bitch arts secretary and thief Maria miller who stole some of my money and refuses to lend me £10 for some beer.

Speaking as someone who one day expects to be turned into catfood, I think this is a good use of a dead foetus. The parents didn’t think enough of it to give it a decent burial, or a decent life if it were aborted.
Better if it were made into catfood though.

Ready rotted meat.
Oxidisation is one of the processes that occurs when meat rots. Oxidisation is also what happens in your body to digest meat. Oxidized meat contains less calories than fresh meat. Rotten meat can therefore help you slim as part of a calorie controlled diet.
If eating rotten meat makes you feel disgusted, pause. Its all a matter of marketing.

Ring the sales number 08000491374 – they are English and expensive – and refuse to be put through to customer services – they are Indian and cheap.
Tell them if they need to speak to any other department they can speak to that department themselves while you wait. In this way you can occupy two people at a time.
Always ask to be put through to a manager in sales and don’t accept the lie that there is no manager – by concentrating on the top people in a single department you are concentrating their attention.
Waste their time as much as you possibly can – I swore a lot, drank, pretended I didn’t speaka-da-English… At one point I insisted that all sentences had to be under five words and counted the words each time they spoke.
If they threaten to log you with the police as an abusive caller – even if you have sworn at them – ignore them. When they threatened me with that it went down like a petrol bomb. Apparently they also have a board with the numbers of difficult customers on.
Never put the phone down and always call back immediately if they put the phone down on you. They can’t block calls so that every call is answered.
In the end it doesn’t matter whether you are right or wrong. The value of your contract is weighed against your cost as a custimer. If your cost as a customer is more than the value of your contract they will be VERY flexible ie give you everything you want.
So annoyed was one of their staff they phoned me at 1am to try and wake me up. It may be the first time he cold called someone who then tried to sell him ppi insursnve.
If you occupy more of their time than your contract is worth you will probably win.
I was put onto a 24 month tv contract I never agreed to – by sticking to these rules, after 5 days calling them I found out that they have no record at all of the contract. I have had oustanding balances cancelled and they have opened themselves to legal action for money already paid.
Think this one of their senior managers phone number 02035513164. Call him all you can.

I always win.
When I transferred my phone service to virgin in February I was surprised to receive a letter from talktalk to tell me I had agreed a 24 month contract for their tv service, especially surprised since I don’t watch tv.
I hate to let slip an opportunity to scream and shout at someone and here was an opportunity to scream and shout at the worst telephone company in the country. I just leapt on them for four days, ringing them constantly, insisting on being put through to the top person in their sales office – who couldn’t actually deal with me, but by having him to talk to the right people I thought I could tie twuo people up and Piss them off a bit more. After 4 days interrogation I discovered that all evidence of any contract I had agreed to had been lost or destroyed or nit recorded in the first place.
Needless to say, my contract is voided to my satisfaction.
I still expect a court case however, since they have been charging me for this tv package for six months and won’t refund me.

In many decades time when I am on the point of death I will make a point of making the biggest possible mess in my bed for the nurses to clean up.

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