Brace Yourself!

Pretty obvious really.
Why don’t the phone companies build in spam text filters to your mobile phone, and spam phone call filters to your mobile phone and house phone?
Don’t tell me it can’t be done.

And without an MOT or any insurance too.
A Labour MP in fact. No doubt he wished to appeal to his fellow brainless plebs in the police to let him get away with it on the grounds that brainless plebs cannot be expected to read, write, pay their way in life or do anything at all that might mean they can’t rely on their own brainless ignorance for an alibi.

I am probably being charitable in thinking that it has absolutely nothing to do with the catholic church’s own sordid history. In this spirit of christian charity, I feel the reason for keeping the late Jimmy ennobled is so that he can remain in heaven with all the heavenly little cherubs. No doubt heaven to Jimmy is all he could ever wish it to be.

I tell all my students, ‘During an exam, if you haven’t got a clue, multiply all the numbers together’.
Now it occurs to me that that is what those clueless bankers were doing before the Western economy entered the death spiral.
They just multiplied all our money together and spent it on themselves

Celebrities and children have a sordid history together. From the notorious Hollywood parties which went on until the 1960’s at least, to the latest scandals at the BBC, celebrities are all in it together, leading everyone blindly up a path littered with glitter and thrown off clothes.
When they do their things for charity, think about the surprise waiting for them in their dressing rooms.

Please go on a sponsored walk around London with you head up your bum.
You will be world famous and people will never forget you.
For your efforts I will donate my old underpants to charity.

Apparently Smith is the most common surname for criminals and gypsies (I have great sympathy for gypsies and invite them to drink on my drive). I feel a liitle bit better now, knowing that my kin in prison are now able to rub shoulders behind bars with select members of the British political class, locked up for fraud. That’s what you call moving up in life.

Actually he was caught with a second class ticket in a first class carriage.
Stupidly he tried to bluff and argue his way out, and refused to move to second class or pay up, eventually having to pay up.
It would have been better i think if he had asked, ‘What’s a ticket?’, or told the jobsworth, ‘Go away or I will close down the railways’.

For stopping the extradition of the notorius and heroic computer hacker Gary Mckinnon to the United States.
Now I feel sure that no matter how many times I call the American people idiotic subnormal morons and insult their wishy washy President, I will feel safe knowing that I can stand behind you and go ‘Nah nah nah nah nah’ while sticking my tongue out.

CCTV cameras everywhere, and all they time the police watching them. I dreamt I was stopped by the police. They told me, ‘we have a video of you driving hands free. With one hand you were picking your nose, and with the other you had a finger up your bum’.