Brace Yourself!

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British banks who have done so much in recent years to take all our money away from us and turn it into a great big hole in our lives are to go into schools and teach children how to avoid financial disaster.
What an inspired move by the British government.
What do you imagine they will teach their future customers?
My bet is the brats will be invited to put their pocket money in interest rate swaps backed by derivative currency hedged mortgage backed security thingies.
When they have received nothing after a long time waiting, they will have learnt like the rest of us, to say boo to a man in a suit carrying a briefcase.

After four years of gloom and disaster, 2013 has started with the prospect of an American recession, possibly defaulting on its debts.
With the euro crisis still in full flow, this may turn out to be the unluckiest year of all.
Note the year, **13.

Where we will all celebrate that the celebrity gene pool is not becoming depleted when a celebrity pregnancy is announced?
A few weeks ago the Prince and Princess of somewhere or other announced there will be a new heir to the British throne.
Now I read that the official spokesperson of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian (who are they) have announced that a popping is in the offing.

I can think of two very good reasons.

The British Royal family are not the brightest group of people, and couldn’t honestly get a job in the private sector.
After a decent time spent in the military they are ideally suited to act as arms salespeople, which they eagerly do all over the world.
It was surely a stroke of genius (in so far as those dimwits are capable of genius) on the part of the Royals to allow the dead Princess Diana to campaign against landmines. Not only do they appear to be campaigning for world peace, but they can make lots of friends and money all round selling landmines to replace those dug up.
A uniquely royal vision of recycling.

I paid in £325 today over the counter to pay my AMEX bill due tomorrow.
The cashier however counted only £225 and gave me a receipt for that amount.
I checked and had it corrected immediately, but if I had not checked, Barclays would presumably have kept my £100, the direct debit would have bounced, resulting in them immediately charging me another £30, and AMEX too.
It is absolutely shocking that a bank can profit from its own incompetence, but this is actually not the first time this has happened.
They have taken money out of my account three times to pay someone else’s cheques. they have not counted money paid in at the cashpoint correctly and they are even charging you when someone pays you a cheque which bounces.
THEY ARE UNDOUBTEDLY THE SCUMMIEST HIGH STREET BANK!

I don’t know what I may die of one die but my brain is the most important part, so please doctors whatever you do, SAVE MY BRAIN!

I am a member of the public and my toilets are BAD!
Please send someone to clean them before anyone has to use them next.
QUICK!

The tomato slicer I ordered for my beloved from amazon did not arrive…

I have just sent this email to the Aerican Embassy in London.
Yo Yanks!
I know you are fond of bombing people and extraditing people to the US for things they have done which are not illegal in their own country. I want to know if there is some stupid and obscure American law which I have violated in my ignorance which could one day result in my being locked up in an American prison for the rest of my life.
Please reply as soon as possible.