Brace Yourself!

Is that men are either very good or very bad at something but women are all just average.

In the UK sick people are campaigning for the right to die, be they only a tiny bit ill, and not on the point of death at all, like the 24 year old rugby player left in a wheelchair.
These people have no right to die. They should curse god and live.

Yo, man in a turban and long white sheet,
I live in England.
I want to sell my country to you. Since we are historic enemies, you will probably give me a lot of money.
I need at least $1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
cos I promised to pay off the Greek national debt if the Greeks would go into the street and all moon the Germans (they are so desperate now they might well do it), so I need to insure myself.
Waiting for reply.
Please email back with your offer.

I am saved!

Treason should not be a crime. We are all human, owing only to our own conscience and self interest. For some people, this means stealing a 50 inch, £2000 tv from the local electronics store. For others it means torrenting Hollywood films on the internet. Whatever we we do we are always betraying someone’s trust. Betraying your country is hardly worse.
Unfortunately there is no reliable sanctuary for us such people. Opening for Iceland?

I’m not a plumber and I don’t care if you go looking for a plumber on the internet. I want you to find me!

Badder than the baddest bad boy
Badder than the baddest bad rapper
I’m mad too
Madder than the maddest mad hatter
Madder than the maddest mad cow
Madder than the maddest mad madman from the land of the madmen
I’m a crook too
The world is littered with the people I have crooked, cooked and mashed into muck
I’m a joke too.
I’m a joke, you’re a joke… No it all really is just a joke.
LAUGH THEN!!!!

He must uncover an email sent to Bernie Madoff (who swindled US investors out of $50 billion or so).
The email must say something to the effect of:
‘Yo Bernie, America has survived your corruption.
I wonder whether the UK can survive my stewardship at the Royal Bank of Scotland.
I bet you £1 it can’t’.
If they uncover an email like this or Mr Goodwin gets one of his geeky friends to ‘uncover’ one I will think him a hero of the revolution and make sure he gets one when the revolution comes.

I don’t know if there is disaster ahead but the human race definitely deserves it.
I don’t why it is not the law that all sandwiches are not sold in paper packaging, or how plastic bags can still be given away.
How is it that now it is known that we are poisoning the ecosystem at the smallest level by washing our clothes and producing billions of tiny plastic pieces which get into the food chain, that we don’t all switch to natural, wool and cotton?
Everything is running out, all the prices are going up. In 100 years nation could be fighting nation hand to hand (cos all the oil has run out), to harvest the last potato crop on earth. But since we are having so few babies, our armies will consist of blind old men travelling at the speed of their walking frames.

There is no Doubt in My Mind.
Kate Bush is the best looking girl of the twentieth century… And the twenty first.
And I am the best maths tutor of the Twenty First. With advancing medical technology I might be the best of the twenty second too.
BUT IS THE BEST MATHS TUTOR BETTER THAN THE BEST LOOKING GIRL?