Brace Yourself!

Think of all the things poverty will mean you get more of:
porridge
potatoes
worms (good source of animal protein)
rats (keep them as pets -you’d have to buy pet food for a cat. When you get hungry, hold your nose and eat them)
exercise (and you can get £50 or so for your car from the scrapyard to spend on cigarettes, battery acid and luscious linda who advertises in the phonebox)
On the other hand, you will get less of these things which are bad for you:
television – because you won’t be able to pay the tv licence or gas bill
gas – gas is definitely bad for you. If you don’t believe me, stick your head in an oven. Of course, once your gas is cut off and your cupboards are bare, you might stick your head in the oven anyway lick lick the dried, baked, rancid 3 year old chicken fat off the sides.

How natural it seems that the British Prime Minister, supreme friend of News International should be found to have ridden a horse that the corrupt London police gave to the corrupt editor of the News International Newspaper, ‘News of the World’?
The questions now are:
‘What sex was the horse?’
‘Did the British Prime Minister commit bestiality with said horse?’
‘Who will be the first to publish a photograph, if any, of the offspring?’
Really, I think we should be told.
God knows, one day this bastard child of the British Prime Minister and a horse may find itself sitting in the House of Lords, where it may influence any laws on the legality of bestiality between lawmakers and horses.

Cos everyone is useless, that’s why.
Lazy, stupid, incompetent, ugly, fat, old, rancid and cancerous.

I don’t see why Tesco’s and Asda should have all the slave labour in the UK.
Can you send some round to my house as soon as possible.
Make sure they bring their own food – and some for me.

If Rebecca Brooks, corrupt ex newspaper editor can have a police horse, can I have a police car?
If you haven’t any cars, can I have a helicopter or a police launch?
If you don’t have any of these can you saddle up one of your dumb plods to carry me? Slow but better than nothing.
When you send him make sure he brings a bridle, spurs and whip.
Someone has to make the police realise they can’t take us for a ride.

All we are doing on the Earth is moving bits of the Earth around and doing things to those bits. There are no more bits being added or taken away, and really no more poisonous bits than there were when the Earth formed.
When the Norwegians pump toxic sludge to the seabed, they might be killing the fish there, but they are removing poison from some other part and enabling life to grow there.
Of course, the fish die pretty quickly but life takes time to colonise an area.

Frustrated by silent phone calls and people who have nothing better to do than waste my time, the BOSS emitted a world shattering scream!

Because they are yellow, cowards, afraid of the bills they will end up paying.
Obama is not only the first black president, he is also the first yellow one. Yellow through and through.
Cameron – the British pm, in case you don’t know – is so mired in u turns he can’t stand up and face north.
Let’s send the Greeks to die in Syria. If they don’t all die somewhere soon they end up on my doorstep looking through my bins for rotten catfood.

Is electronic money. Soon someone will make counterfeit electronic money by breaking the encryption used by banks and credit card companies. Hope they try it in Greece first. That pathetic country should receive several more kicks.

If all the people who die every year were recycled into the human food chain there would be enough meat to feed the entire population of a country the size of Holland.
Some people may be disgusted by this, but they can’t avoid being eaten by something. If their neighbour doesn’t eat them, the bedbugs will.